


Step into My Parlor

by Grammarwoman



Category: Gilmore Girls RPF
Genre: F/M, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-25
Updated: 2008-12-25
Packaged: 2019-06-14 12:24:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15388692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grammarwoman/pseuds/Grammarwoman
Summary: Jared's a good kid. Lauren's a bad influence.





	Step into My Parlor

**Author's Note:**

> For: Zhailei
> 
> Note from diana, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Pretty Lights](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Pretty_lights), which closed for financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Pretty Lights collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/prettylights/profile).
> 
> Notes: For Zhailei's Request 4: "Gilmore Girls, Jared Padalecki/Lauren Graham, bad judgement" 
> 
> I dithered a bit for how smutty this should get; I hope you like the results.

"Lauren," Jared whined as he banged into her trailer and flopped down on her couch with a teenager's boneless grace. "They're being  _cute_  at each other again." He heaved a melodramatic sigh and let his head drop on the back of the couch. "I fucking hate cute." 

Lauren emerged from the tiny bathroom in a fuzzy bathrobe and her hair up in a towel. "'Hi, Lauren, how are you? Is it all right if I come in? Do you mind if I sit on your couch?' 'Hi, Jared, no problem, come right in, I'm just practically  _naked_." 

Jared waved carelessly, "You're wearing a robe and everything - that's not naked. Besides, you could be, like, my mother." 

Lauren let loose a teakettle scream. "What? Only in TV land, honey. Believe me, if you could see this stomach, there would be not one stretch mark or flaw." She pointed to her face. "And take a look at this visage. No wrinkles, no grays, nothing. Your mother - hah!" She pulled the towel from her hair and leaned backward into the bathroom to check herself out in the mirror. "Crap. I'm supposed to be the hot mom, the anti-mom, the 'you couldn't possibly be her mom' mom. I'm the hot mom, right?" She peered back at Jared, who was still busy gazing at the ceiling with his best suffering stare. 

"Sure, Lauren, whatever." Jared sighed again. 

"Besides, if I were your mother, which I am assuredly  _not_  old enough to be, I would have to tell you watch your language, young man, and wash your mouth out with soap. But considering I pay 40 bucks a bar for the anti-aging crap...I'll settle for this." She thwapped the side of his head. 

"Hey!" he complained. He sat up to glare at her. "What was that for?" 

"It's the brown hair, isn't it?" She held up a damp strand in front of her eyes. "My agent is always after me to dye my hair. If I were blonde, I'd definitely be the hot mom. Of course, if I were blonde, I wouldn't have about fifty failed shows and a bazillion guest-star roles on my resume', and I'd never have landed this gig. Uch, but I could never go blonde - it wouldn't go with my coloring. Who's being cute again?" 

Jared blinked. "Just how much coffee have you been drinking, 'Lorelai'?" 

"Natural pep, my boy. Nothing's going to bring me down. Fifty shows gone and I am still standing." Lauren sat down beside him. "It's Alexis and Milo again, huh?" 

"Yeah," Jared said. "Dammit." 

"What's up, sugar pie? I thought you were totally over Alexis." 

"Like a year ago, duh. I just got back from a meeting with Amy and Daniel. Dean is going to dump Rory so she can go out with Jess. Fucking Jess." Jared rolled his eyes. "What the hell am I going to do on the show now?" 

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry. Back-burner city is rough, take it from me." Lauren patted him on the shoulder. 

"I mean, what the hell? Dean is perfect for Rory. He's supportive, caring...he built her a  _car_ , for Christ's sake! And hello, he's not a..." Jared flailed for the right words. "A greasy dwarf like some people." 

Lauren snorted. "He is kind of greasy, huh? That floppy hair, with those, whaddya call them? Emo bangs!" 

Jared nodded glumly. "I don't get it." 

"You said it yourself, kid. Dean is perfect. Lorelai approves of him, he's sweet and wonderful and everything that a girl could want in a first boyfriend. Unfortunately..." 

"What?" 

"Well, I hate to break it to you, but Dean's kind of boring." Lauren shrugged. 

"Hey!" Jared scooted away from her on the couch. "Thanks a lot!" 

"Sorry! Let's face it - for dramatic purposes, Rory has to have her teenage rebellion, and dating a jerk is pretty much one of the only things left, what with having Lorelai as her mother." 

"I'm overwhelmed by your support," Jared scoffed. With his elbows braced on his knees, he buried his face in his hands. 

"Quite frankly, I'm kinda glad. Jess and Rory coupling up means that Lorelai is safe from Luke for a little while. God, you want to talk about your old farts - Scott is such a pompous ass. 'When I used to play ball...' 'When I was in the Actors Studio...' I am gonna scream if Amy tries to write us together. What the hell would Lorelai ever see in him? Why can't she write Lorelai with Christopher instead? I've got great chemistry with David - anybody can see it." Lauren pouted and mulishly crossed her arms. 

Jared sat up, an idea dawning on his face. "Dude! I've got it. Lorelai and Dean should totally hook up. She needs a younger man, I need a storyline to keep me on the show. It's a winner!" 

Lauren looked at him amazement. Her shoulders starting heaving, and before she could control it, she burst out laughing. "Dean...and...Lorelai? Oh my God!" She whooped and cackled so hard that tears starting running down her face. 

"It's not  _that_  ridiculous," he sniffed. 

"The sponsors would shit kittens!" she howled. "It's bad enough that Lorelai has dared to date different guys, but her daughter's underage ex?" 

"Fuck the sponsors," Jared snarled. 

Lauren took a couple of deep breaths to calm down. "Do not go there. We do not mess with our sponsors, young man. Quirky only gets you so far in Hollywood; our squeaky-clean image is what's keeping us on the air." 

"But think of the storyline! Just imagine Emily's reaction!" 

Lauren giggled. "Don't give Kelly any ideas! She's already made some comments about making Dean her cabana boy, if you know what I mean." 

Jared shivered. "Ew! That's disgusting - she's so... _old_." 

"The old broad has some fabulous gams on her, though," Lauren mused. "I can only hope to look that good at her age." 

"Are you kidding? You are totally the hot mom in comparison!" 

"Thanks, Jared," Lauren said dryly. 

"C'mon, though, don't you think it would be an awesome idea? Amy would totally listen to you." 

Lauren smiled at him. "You should have turned those big puppy-dog eyes on Amy a while back, and maybe she wouldn't have replaced Dean." 

Jared leaned over, putting a hand on her knee where it poked up through the opening in her robe. "Please, Lauren? Just talk to her. I don't want to lose my job." 

Lauren looked down at her knee, where Jared was rubbing small circles with his palm. She looked back at his face, his transparently earnest expression showing not a trace of guile. Her libido gave a quick jump as his hand accidentally ranged a little higher on her thigh.  _This is a bad idea, Lauren,_  her conscience warned. 

_But he's young and cute and would be downright hot if he got his hair out of his face! And it's been so damned long for me!_  she replied to herself. 

_What would Alexis think?_  

_Alexis picked the oily Smurf,_  she argued. 

_Well, you have a point there. Be careful._  

_Like, duh!_  

"Well..." she drawled. "How would it get started?" 

Jared grinned. "OK, so Lorelai and Luke are fighting, and she needs some help around the house, and Rory is..." He paused to think. 

"Staying with her grandparents?" Lauren offered. 

"Yeah, that's good. So something goes wrong at the house that night, and she calls up Dean, and he does the manly whatever and gets all sweaty, and she's been drinking -" 

"Because Lorelai is such a big drinker," interjects Lauren. 

"OK, so she's strung out on a huge dose of caffeine, I don't know. Then Dean's all, 'Is there anything else I can do for you, Lorelai?'" 

Lauren artfully tossed her hair over her shoulder and gave her shoulders a little wiggle, which had the effect of making her robe gape open a little lower. 

"'Well, actually, Dean, I was thinking there was something I could do for you.'" Lauren slid to the floor between Jared's knees. She ran her hands up his jean-clad thighs as she pushed them apart. 

"Lauren!" Jared said, scandalized. He tried to clasp his knees together, but her grip tightened on his legs.

"That's 'Lorelai', remember?" she purred. "We're working out your idea, here." 

"But..." Jared gulped as her hands roamed over his thighs. 

"One thing, though...you are 18, right?" Lauren's fingers paused above the button to his pants. 

"I'm twenty!" Jared snapped. 

"Oh, good," said Lauren. She licked her lips as she undid his jeans and yanked them down to reveal the tighty-whities underneath. "Ah, the classics." She zoomed in and huffed a humid breath over his crotch, already bulging impressively against his underwear. She mouthed his erection through the cloth. Jared let out a high-pitched moan and gripped the edge of the couch. 

"Jesus, Lore--Lauren!" 

"Nice recovery, kid." Lauren smirked. She looked down to see that the tip of Jared's dick had slipped up under the waistband. "Ah, youth." She worked a hand down into his underwear. It only took a couple of strokes for him to spray all over his T-shirt. 

Lauren rocked back on her heels. "We're gonna have to work on that stamina thing." 

Jared attempted to roll his eyes back down from examining his brain. "We...work?" 

"Yes, sweetie -- we'll try this again, once you can actually form a complete sentence." Lauren pursed her lips. "For now, though..." She untied her robe and sat down beside him, then grabbed his hand. She put it on her breast. "Lesson number one: this is a boob. Not a radio dial, not a pressure doll." 

Jared managed a feeble squeeze. She smiled. "Good. Now, this is a nipple..." 

As he fumbled his way into the foreplay for round two, Lauren gave herself a mental high-five. She bet that she could at least talk Amy into writing Lorelai an inappropriate dream about Dean, and if not, well, she could still have dress rehearsals with Jared. Maybe it was bad judgment, but it was going to be good fun. 


End file.
